* sigh sighh *

* currently: reading chat logs
* listening: nothing in particular
* feeeliing: sad n messy

i`m feeling so wrong rite now .. really dunnno wad`s wrong with me ..
kept dwelling on da past when there`s no future tuh it ..
maybe from the very beginning, i tot the wrong way ..
sighh ..
why .. i really tot things could be better ..
or did i sink too deep inside ..
sighh ..
was reading the chat log with you of last december ..
there was so so so so so many things i`m wondering again ..
there`s so much you`ve yet to tell me ..
so many things tt happened too ..
the long long chats, the promises you gave, the "care" i had ..
wad more could i ask for?
or maybe i wasn`t the only one who received such tones from you ..
did i get the wrong idea or wad ? but back then, it really didnt seeem so ..
sighh ..

you said i could disturb you .
you said you definitely will reply .
you said you wouldn`t want to disappoint me .
you said next time, there will be a chance .
you said you believe me .
you asked me tuh be more zi ai .
you asked me not tuh drink .
you said you were afraid no one will take care of me .
you promised so many things i tot i was important .
do you still rmb how your current nick came along ?

maybe all were just things you said as a friend ..
it`s me who interpret things the wrong way ..
shouldnt have gotten those wrong ideas ..
but as i've told you, those little little things really meant alot tuh me ..
well .. i noe you dun read my blog ..
and i noe, even if you do .. you wouldnt care too ..
wad else did you do ?
and wad did i do ...
sighhh ..
i just cant seem tuh get you off my head ..
or maybe, i didnt want tuh ..
maybe i didnt try ..
maybe i still hold the tiny bit of hope ..
just tuh see you again ..
i really do miss you ..

though i`ve always say .. give me more time ..
i can forget you ..
but tuh be truthful, i cant ..
and i haven been doing it ..
i wouldn`t lose you cos i`ve nv had you ..
but why is it tt i felt as if i had had you ..
and then, lost you totally ..
why aren`t you replying ..
i needed just a response ..
tell me, will you ..
tell me you hate me or even something worse ..
just teach me how tuh get you out of my head ..

it`s like a fairytale waiting tuh be ended ..
though an expected ending, it still needa be completed ..
good or bad ..
just dun leave my fairytale with no endings ..

aww .. i just hate myself ~